fear and flower tea

Happiness right now feels like utopia. 

Honestly? I’m disoriented. My body is tired from the constant adjustment of my environment. Ups and downs of being surrounded by those who care deeply to those who don’t seem to be fazed at all. From my day job, to community work, to alone time.

Social media feels like a hellscape, ornamented with moments of euphoria and desperation for hope. Warnings for abductions are plastered everywhere. It feels better to acknowledge the pain. Masking is hard. Some seem to be so good at it. Fear won’t release me from its grip. I am trying to spend more time with people I love and take care of my community. But when am I being an idealist? Blips of giggles feel like utopia. Cozied in my friend’s thrifted dark blue couch with patterned flowers feels like a fantasy. 

Despite this all, I see rapid responders, medics and organizers showing up with courage. Care and aid are special in whatever ways you define them. Showing up is invigorating. I hope this is how we all continue to feel and humanize ourselves. To not be compliant or accepting injustice that is so casually cruel. 

I am a civilian, an immigrant, a woman, a Korean, an artist. In the really, really grand scheme of life, I am a moment of this earth…one foot in, one foot out of this life. What I hope to do with however much time I have left is to share love and care. I put on my baby pink liquid blush because it makes my skin feel dewy and cheeks feel plump. 

Dab balm on your lips and swipe jasmine lotion on your hands as the weather feels sharper against our skin. Brew your favorite tea before bed, and let the hot flowered water seep through your body.

You don’t have to check every box to be loved. Your kindness and generosity is already so much to offer. 

Meeting each other with patience…giving your mind a break. With what we have, I hope my parents live with content, not just to survive. 

Aren’t the burnt orange leaves in the breeze so beautiful? They remind me of dancing clementines. What’s your favorite sweet treat? I hope you enjoy it soon.